Journal of a Recalcitrant is a place for the thoughts that don’t quite fit anywhere else. Some of them will be about writing and fiction. Others will wander into religion, history, politics, philosophy, books I’m reading, or whatever subject has managed to occupy too much of my attention that week. There probably won’t be much consistency beyond the person doing the writing.
I chose recalcitrant deliberately. I’ve never been particularly good at accepting an answer simply because it’s the answer I was given. That tendency has occasionally been useful and occasionally made my life considerably more complicated. Either way, questioning inherited assumptions—my own included—has become a fairly permanent part of how I understand the world.
This isn’t meant to be a collection of declarations from someone who has everything figured out. Quite the opposite. I’m interested in the process of changing my mind, discovering where I was wrong, revisiting ideas I thought I had abandoned, and occasionally becoming more convinced of something after trying very hard not to be. If there’s a unifying idea here, it’s probably that uncertainty is more interesting than certainty pretending to be wisdom.
Mostly, this is a journal in the oldest sense of the word: a record of what I’m thinking about while I’m thinking about it. Some entries may eventually become essays. Some may influence a novel. Others may exist simply because I wanted somewhere to put the thought before it disappeared. Consider this the margin beside the fiction—the place where I get to argue with books, ideas, institutions, myself, and, every now and then, anyone unfortunate enough to be reading along.
Republicans increasingly warn that Muslims threaten American freedom by imposing religious law. But polling complicates that claim. American Muslims are often more supportive of pluralism than white evangelical Protestants, who are far more likely to say religion should shape American law. If the threat is theocracy, we should oppose it consistently—whether it comes from Islam or Christianity.
Read PostI spent most of my life believing Christianity was true. This is the story of my deconstruction, the slow collapse of the arguments, institutions, and theology that sustained my faith, and the deconversion that followed. It is also about what remained after belief: truth, morality, beauty, compassion, and the uneasy freedom of admitting that when it comes to God, I simply don’t know.
Read PostIsaías Castillo dies with 54 cents in his bank account...and a church unwilling to pay for his burial. In this short story, a young pastor must choose between the theology he was taught and the grieving mother standing before him. As the funeral approaches, one question becomes impossible to avoid: Can a mother love her son more faithfully than God?
Read PostCan systematic theology truly be “biblically based”? Examining historical criticism, biblical canon formation, and Scripture’s diverse theological voices, this essay argues that no Christian system simply emerges from the Bible alone. Every systematic theology relies on interpretation, tradition, and presuppositions—and those choices have real-world consequences.
Read PostApologetics promises certainty, but certainty can come at a cost. When every unanswered question threatens your faith, salvation, or identity, inquiry becomes defense. What happens when we stop looking for answers that are merely “good enough” and learn to live with uncertainty instead?
Read PostFaith deconstruction is often portrayed as rebellion, bad teaching, church hurt, or an excuse to sin. But deconstruction is rarely so simple. It is an open-ended process of questioning the beliefs, authorities, and assumptions that once held a worldview together—and asking whether they can still carry the weight of reality.
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